p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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