Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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