The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
