if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
