I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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