; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
