walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize