I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
