the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize