i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My penis needs a shock collar
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
