I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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