Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
