You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
