I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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