End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
