I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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