Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
