thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
please come you make the beer taste better
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
