Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
