When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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