We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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