I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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