His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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