Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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