chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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