mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
