What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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