Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
