well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
