I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
