I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
