I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
