Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
