if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
