You can't special order awesome
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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