I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
