Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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