Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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