I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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