2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
as a side note pls kill me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
