Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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