I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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