i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
