I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
