he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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