Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
