dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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