Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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