I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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