So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
