the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
