You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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