the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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