do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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