i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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