His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
