i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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