He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
