I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
