Tell her she can't have a vagina
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize