Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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