Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
