walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
