It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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