my phone needs a breathalizer
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
