Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
3 2 1 whiskey
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
