i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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