And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
