No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
