He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
