Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
