IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
