Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
