You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
