I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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