did you get engaged???
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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