I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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